5

By the time I finished my meal I was thoroughly disgusted. I thought maybe the double-cheeseburger or the quarter-pounder with cheese would have been a better choice. It definitely would have been a better value, considering that I can only afford McDonald's once or twice a year. The only good thing about it all was that I got to drink root beer. But then I started worrying about diabetes, which runs in my family. When you spend a lot of time alone you can't help but become a kind of hypochondriac. I kept imagining limbs jettisoning themselves from my body. I have a pretty vivid imagination, especially when it comes to diabetes-related health complications.

It was Friday night and I didn't have any plans. When you are under-employed all day like I am, the last thing you want to do on Friday night is have plans. My only serious commitment was making sure nobody knew I was home. There was additional 9/11 commission testimony I was dying to see, in particular Richard Clarke. For me, C-SPAN.org on a Friday night is the height of indulgence. I had already watched Condoleezza Rice several times, and judged her harshly. For one thing, she was constantly smiling. Condoleezza Rice is an attractive woman, but for anyone to smile that much indicates to me that she's working for the wrong side. Of course, I don't mean that in a partisan way. I mean when Satan took her to the parapet of the temple and told her that she could have all the kingdoms of the world if only she would bow down and worship him, she submitted her application for National Security Adviser. I'm not suggesting that George Bush is the devil. I'm saying Mr. Cheney has no business at that height with his heart condition.