Anti-War Protesters Finally Enjoy Feelings of Superiority Over Their Pro-War Co-Workers

Anti-war protestors are standing tall in their workplaces this week, as word spreads of former chief weapons inspector David A. Kay's assessment that Iraq does not have weapons of mass destruction. "We were all wrong," he told the Senate Armed Services Committee earlier this week.

"And that means we were all right," beamed 24 year old Sara Parks of the Wilmington, DE branch office of Citigroup. "I can't wait to tell my jackass supervisor."

The news has galvanized many employees to be more vocal about their objections to the war, prompting them to brandish the wide-spread governmental failure as proof that they were right, and, just as crucially, that their pro-war co-workers were wrong.

"I had to listen to this asshole in my department every day about how we were going to kick the shit out of Iraq," said Jacob Hall, a 30 year old programmer at Level3 Communications, Inc. in Denver, CO. "He's really changed his tune lately, and I'm loving every minute of it."

Dr. Karl Rosen, a psychologist at Miami University of Ohio, examines the coping mechanisms of people who previously supported a war when they learn of its terrific wrong-ness.

"Typically there are two responses, and these can be attributed to two different personality groups. The first group basically isn't interested, but they go along with it because it's the safest route. Congress is a good example. This group will usually retreat from a previously held position when the majority opinion also retreats from it. The second group is more personally invested in war ideology. They are more obstinate in their views, kind of like Joseph Stalin. They will always revert to World War II analogies whenever their contemporary arguments are baseless--which is approximately 200 percent of the time."

Mark Thompson, a 28 year old developer at IBM, explains his own disappointment with the outcome of the war: "It's terrible to think that after so many Americans have died, and so much money has been wasted, and so many of us have been deceived, now I've gotta hear about it from a bunch of pot-smoking, countercultural posers."

Sara Parks says that even in the midst of a nationwide vindication, it's important for the anti-war crowd not to lose perspective.

"What anti-war people were really protesting wasn't the asinine claim that Iraq posed an imminent threat to the security of the planet, or the fiscal burden our children will have to bear for a bullshit war, or even the catastrophic loss of life that a US led invasion would obviously inflict on Iraqis and Americans alike; it was having to show up to work everyday and suffer the smug jackassery that people who have never had an independent thought in their entire life necessarily impose on their infinitely more enlightened co-workers."