Bush Calls for Manned Expedition to Mars, Residences on Moon

Hey, I like space more than any of my ex-girlfriends, but what's wrong with this chooch? I thought men in space--dead men in space--was out this year and death-resistant robots were in? Who the hell wants to go to Mars anyway? I don't even want to leave my bedroom. Of course, we all know who to nominate for that manned-mission to Mars--or as he likes to call it "home."

And dormitories on the moon? What the moon really lacks isn't just dormitories, it's arable land--as a matter of fact, it's air! That's no place for low-income housing, unless you're moving from Los Angeles.