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At the same time, it's only natural to pick favorites. Mine is the German girl for her shiny-poled feats of derring-do. I'm not normally into blondes, but this girl has talent. My friend is particular to an Oriental whose background we cannot decide. She may be Southeast Asian--Cambodian? She's too dark to be Japanese. Japanese are whiter than I am--and I sprout cancer on my derma like a vampire. Oh, by the way, "Oriental" is not an appropriate term to describe a person of Asian descent. It is used to describe inanimate objects from the region. (This what my Oriental girlfriend told me in high school--before she told me was pregnant with another man's child. No, she wasn't, really. She was Asian.)

It turns out she's Korean. She's frequently mistaken for Southeast Asian, though, for precisely the reasons we hypothesized.

"Well, I go to tanning salons," she told us.

"Yeah, I was going to say--I went to Korea last summer and people were surprisingly light-complected," my friend said.

"Thank you!"

"You're very beautiful."

"Thank you!"

I decided to interject a less expensive topic into the conversation, on account that my friend was blowing it. "My friend here is visiting us from Japan for the week." This had the effect of stabilizing things. I will tell you one thing that doesn't require stabilization--a 23 year old Korean stripper's breasts. And I will tell you another thing--you would swear they were Cambodian.