Sex Workers of The World, Untie and Take Over

I cannot tell you the last time I attended a strip club. Yes I can--it was Sunday night. But I cannot tell you the last time I attended a strip club other than Sunday night, because I honestly don't remember. The only thing I remember are the naked women, vividly, as though it were only yesterday. It was yesterday. No, it wasn't.

I have a problem with strip clubs, if you can believe that. My problem is that they are too goddam expensive. This did not keep me from attending one last weekend, however. I should tell you the story of how I found myself at Show and Tel last Sunday around midnight. A friend of mine lost his ornamental Japanese scarf on the Show and Tel premises Sunday afternoon. He came to me later that night and said, "Will you come with me to retrieve my scarf?" I said, "Where have you left your scarf?" He said, "At Show and Tel." I said, "Okay."

Normally I cannot be found traveling in taxis to strip clubs. But I should not justify my motives, because that only complicates the story. Finally we arrived at the strip club. My friend retrieved his scarf while I waited in the adult materials shoppe. I had many judgments there. When my friend returned, he paid for me to enter the ''showroom." Why did he pay for me to enter the showroom? Only because I was not prepared to enter the showroom. I will not say any more about that.

Inside the showroom were many naked women. I felt very judgmental. For one, I had no money to contribute to anyone's drug habit. You witness my judgmentalness. Also, I imagined being very unpopular amongst the stripper women, because I had no money for them to buy drugs with. I will stop saying that. But you should not attend a strip club with no money. I imagined this fact very prematurely.

My first stripper to approach me was tall and blonde. She was very attractive. She told me, "My name is Desire."

"Desire?" I judged her name very harshly. "My name is Ryan."

"Do you have something for me?" She was indicating with her hands that I should insert currency in her breasts.

"No, thank you." I did not believe in the breast tax, after all.